ARCHIVES -Pictures -News (n/a) -Cool Sites (n/a) -Bad Buzz (n/a) -Old Links Page Maniac 2000 Out this week WORD OF THE WEEK: Sneer -Are you going down to the shopping centre, for the sneer? STATEMENT OF THE WEEK: Sarah (on never being able to win anything): "I couldn't win a piss-up in a brewery!" CONTACT: waltzer@excite.com	Susan Flynn's 21st, Newgrange Hotel, Navan. Nice.   Main: Susan, Fionnuala. Inset, top: Steph, Sarah, Loops. Middle: Loops, Waltzer. Bottom: Nev, Mick. Click an area to load that image.		Let DJ Waltzer solve your party problems. Package includes: •Invitations designed and printed •DJ Waltzer spins the choons •Lights and P.A. included Prices from £250 What type of party are you arranging? Birthday Club Function Corporate Garden Pub Charity House Date: Location: Your e-mail address: Invitations required On weekdays, you will receive your quote within 3 hours. Meath and Dublin Areas only. Public Transport This week me buzz is wrecked by public transport. On Saturday, I had to get from my house in Navan, Meath, to the town of Bray, in Wicklow, and I was going to stop along the way in Blackrock, Dublin. I left the house at 2.50, and got to the bus stop at 3.10. There I waited in the pouring rain for the 3.10 bus which came at 3.30. I was bloody soaked when an unfriendly driver informed me that the ticket price had gone up. I had just enough money to get me to Blackrock, so I had to give the driver my train money as well. So I was on O'Connell Street fifty minutes later and I still hadn't dried out from the rain in Navan, and I proceeded to Tara Station to get the DART to Blackrock. Well I was informed that the DART doesn't run southbound from Tara Station at the weekend at present. So I went down to the bus stop which was full of disgruntled commuters who were also coming from the North side, headin' South bound. Finally a bus came after about 20 minutes, and it was bumper. Incidently, there was one premium princess on the bus who got out at Ballsbridge if you don't mind, but what can you do? Sitting in the seat beside the heater, my jeans weren't long drying out, but anyone standing near it couldn't suffer the heat, and the position became fairly unpopular. When I finally got to Blackrock it was nearly six and I had to get to a shop before it closed, so a legger was in order. Then I got the bus to Bray and I had to wait another 25 minutes before it came. Now this is not an isolated incident. EVERY TIME I use public transport I waste my time. Every time I stand in a bus que I am thinking "Hello, am I mental? I have to get a car. This is terrible." There is only one option for people who use public transport, and that is to get a car, once and for all, and stop this messing about with feckin' busses and trains that are always late, have unfrienly and uncooperative staff, and have no incentive to be so. And the government wonder about the amount of new cars that are bought! If they want to decrease traffic, the way to do it is not to punish the motorist, but to reward the public transport user by having an efficient, cheap service. The Irish government are not used to offering good service until there is competition, as we saw with Eircom. So this goes out to the Irish Government: We will keep buying cars until you encourage us to use busses and trains. Public Transport Wrecks Me Buzz.
	Waltzer Re-Launch Success I was very pleased to see that the hits to this site went up over 3000%. The reaction has been very positive, and thanks to all that visited and made it worthwhile. Susan's 21st I went to a good 21st the other night. It belonged to Susan Flynn, on of my girls from Navan. I enjoyed myself cos I hadn't seen Susan, Loops, Nev or Steph for ages, and it was an opportunity to show off my new shoes. So there I was, chilling with me girls (see photo, above) when I thought I'd have a chat to the DJ, cos in fairness, he was brutal. So I walks up to the DJ and asked him what kind of a lad he was at all. The DJ was from the country, Tipperary I think, and he had an unusual technique: Instead of using headphones and mixing the beats (as is the norm amoung DJs), he didn't bother with headphones at all. He didn't even have a pair that he could pose with for a picture I took of him with Susan. Not only that, but he was using a cheap and nasty BST cd players. When he asked me what I had, and I told him the Kam 950 he gave a dissaapointed look, and said "They are terrible for mobile work. They keep sticking." "No" says I, "They are perfect." That's strange he said. I dont know what sort of a DJ he was at all. And another thing he didn't do was any MCing. He kept his mouth shut except to announce the food and all. Whenever I am playing I always do the bit of freestyling, it really gets the house buzzin'. This guy must have been the worst "DJ" I ever met. God love him altogether. And to top it off, he used a mixing desk for a mixer. He only had the two cd players and a record player. He did have an expensive wireless microphone, so I can't understand him at all. Well maybe that's how they do it in Tipperary. Anyway, he let himself down something serious, so I just had to say to him: "Seeya rafter."	ROAD ETIQUETTE IN IRELAND With Ali-W! Check Dis: Me has been told that da Irish does not know the rules of the road, so I is here on da phone with none other than me main man, Robert From Ireland, an we is bangin' on about this old website, Raod Etiquette in Ireland*. So, Robert, what is this site about? -Well the site is a parody of the way Irish road users break the law on the road. -Do the Irish not know the law? -Yes, they do, but they choose to ignore it. The site shows the sort of things that the typical Irish driver does on the road. -What do they do? -Well, they don't indicate, they run red lights— -They run red lights? What is that some sort of vigilante hooker clean-up programme? -No! They drive fast when the lights are red, so they don't have to stop. -But that is cruel to dem hookers who is trying to make a living?, innit? -Erm... I don't think so. They also pass out when other cars are coming. -They pass out? Me saw me home boy, Shazad, pass out one time when he had too much spliff. Is this da same? -No, in Ireland ‘pass out£#146; means overtake. -Aye, for real. So is it dangerous in Ireland? -Only on the roads! (Laughs) -So if I was to visit Ireland, would I get killed on da roads? -It's possible. -Is it because I is black? -Erm... No. (Puzzled) -OK, Robert, thank you for showing us that da Ireland is a dangerous place for hookers, foreigners, and anyone else who is driving on da roads. Big up to ya. Keep it real. -Thank you. -So check dis out for a sample of what's to come: "Ireland has a community speed trap early warning system in operation. When a driver spots a speed trap, he/she flashes furiously at oncoming motorists for several miles past the speed trap. If several oncoming cars flash at you, and it's not a wedding, then there is probably a speed trap ahead so reduce your speed until you are out of range again." †

* Conversation may not have happened.
† © Robert Early, 1997