the waltzer experience	:w:
Not suitable for girls under 18 years of age	week 110 : 05 March 2001

 

ANTICS QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Jody: On a "Rebel beer" tap with a picture of an 'auld lad in a quiet pub "If you're going to flog a cheap beer, at least come up with a good tap." AROUND THE OFFICE: KW writer complains about lack of KW stuff on site "Half-Life better than Quake" – Kaner All your base are belong to us SERVICES ARCHIVES 2001 2000 Wage Slave DISCUSSIONS Chat with the rest of the crew at the Discussion Board. SEARCH WALTZER Search through the archives. GOOGLE SEARCH Search the web. REMINDER I'll mail you a preview of the Experience (almost) every Monday morning! WALTZER CONTRIBUTE The Waltzer Experience is a weekly underground culture web site which is viewed by lots of people in the House. If you have too much time on your hands you can send me your Wrecks Me Buzz, Top 10, news stories or whatever, to waltzer@waltzer.net. ALAN WALL Alan Wall is a graphic designer for a big web company and the MD of a small web company. His other interests include photography, web design and writing.

News Wage Slave on sale Dublin City- Philip Barrett's comic strip Wage Slave, which appears exclusively on the Waltzer Experience, is now selling in Forbidden Planet in a booklet called A Crack in the Shell. Phil supplied the Waltzer Experience with the following press release: "You can read it right here for free, but from Forbidden Planet on Eden Quay, for the paltry sum of one pound, the collected wage slaves are now available in analogue printed form. Extra stories, staples, guff and gumption, how can you resist owning your own slice of waltzer.net endorsed fun? Hurry though, as demand is intense." Last year In last years site, we went to the last night of the recently re-opened Mad Hatter. Meanwhile I am giving out about the new e-mail package we have to change to Lotus Notes. This time last year I was working on an intensive project which meant I was in the office long hours (with Jay, Sully, Sue, Phil, Tom and Ger).    Featured Site DangerHere.com is the latest offering from the House crew. Their PR deprtment manager Larry Ryan furnished me with the following press release: DangerHere is a new Irish football-based website that concentrates on the humourous side of the Beautiful Game. Some of the highlights in Issue 1 include a collection of George Hamilton quotes (some brand-new, never seen before), the Ask the Gaffer photo strip starring Jody Fitzpatrick, and the Little at Large opinion column penned by the one and only Paul Little. We also have Dream Team stuff, free e-mail, club-specific fan pages, betting tips from "Diamond" Johnny Whelton, lookalikes, and more!

News Girl sends embarrassing mail to entire complex Clonskeagh - Late morning monotony was broken on Thursday with the delivery of an accidentally sent e-mail. The mail came in with subject line "Lunch Menu" since it was supposed to be a forward of our lunch menu to a friend, starting "Hey Orla, Just to make you jealous (mayB) its Mexican Day in the canteen today!! I've already brought my lunch though, so I won't be enjoying it either". The message continues even more embarrassingly: "I'm looking for a place to rent (2 bedroom with Bob, 600-900 per month, Booterstown/Blackrock area) if you hear of anywhere giz a shout". The unfortunate House girl then proceeded to incriminate her friends: "I don't know who to ask to be a second person to move in, Noleen and Etain* are looking for somewhere, Noleen = a bit of stress, but wouldn't b there much. Etain = all her friends are always in her other gaf, smoking & being loud, she doesn't really giv a shit, but shes cool, very chilled out". Then the bomb dropped, as she asked "How are you and Mick getting on living together (& sleeping in the same sweaty bed)?!?" As soon as the mail arrived, sporadic laughter could be heard all over the office. Needless to say, the girl in question was bombarded with replies, to which she soon sent a mail saying "Thanks for all your replies, I'm going to crawl under the nearest rock now and hide..."

That Wrecks Me Buzz These ten things! By an anonymous animal in Design. The smell of fly spray: signifies that danger lurks, maybe dead, maybe not Chisels: bought one to feel grown up and have lugged it around ever since not once using or needing it. Vanilla ice cream: boring bland and a throw back to the 70s . Why have cotton when you can have silk? People who "veer" while walking: the quickest point from A to B is as the crow flies , why then do gibbering bastards veer all over the pavement walking slower then every one else but always getting in the way and in the process adding about 50% extra walkage to the journey? Whistling: enough said. Dynamos on bikes: they go out when you stop at night in the middle of the road to turn right making it ideal for a truck to smear you into next year. Laser cards: removing every illegal purchase ever wanted by removing cash, so in the future when you meet your dealer bring a toaster or video or something to "barter" your required purchase. People who talk slowly: were all very important in our own heads so stop talking or at very least speed it up, I have better, faster and funnier things to say, add extra irritation if they veer in the process. The Internet: if your telly showed 8 billion stations most of which are made by spotty spoilt American kids would you watch it or stick to the 2 or 3 useful ones? Probably the latter, probably cancel NTL, not that you would have to with their new "cut you off if you're 12 minutes late in payment" policy unlike nice Cablelink that gave you a year or two before the axe. But with the Internet we flick through hundreds of stations on the biggest unedited magazine in the world in search of something good, (and it got you here). Vending machines: breakable bars/crisps on the top shelf for maximum damage if it decides to let you have the bar/crisps in the first place or maybe just give the next poor bastard two bars for the price of one and all for over inflated prices and good luck if your coin was made any time after 1990. For a machine obsessed with money it has a hard time recognising a lot of coinage. Now that wrecks me buzz.

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Waltzer Experience © 2000-2001 Alan Wall. Wage Slave © 2001 Philip Barrett. No reproduction without permission.
*Names changed to protect identities.