the waltzer experience :w: 

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week 116 : 17 April 2001
"I wish I had a magic helicopter to take me home."

Compaq bus driver looks like Santy
Nirvana fan only 3 when Cobain died
Lifts covered in greasy crap.

Wage Slave
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I'll mail you a preview of the Experience (almost) every Monday morning!

The Waltzer Experience is a weekly underground culture magazine which is viewed by lots of people in the House. If you have too much time on your hands you can send me your Wrecks Me Buzz, Top 10, news stories or whatever, to

Alan Wall is a graphic designer who's into photography, web design and writing. And he's annoyed that when there is no news in the company it reflects badly on him.


Social club scuba diving buzz

Stillorgan - Last week some of us went scuba diving as a social club outing and I have to say it was great. Nice to do something that doesn't revolve around the beer for a change. I didn't actually think I'd enjoy the scuba diving as much as I did, so if you are one of the ones going next week you are in for a good time. Thanks to Richard for setting it all up for us. Hopefully there'll be a few pictures of it up next week if there's any decent ones from Richard's camera!

This week last year

In last year's Waltzer Experience, radio ads wreck me buzz and Pam leaves.


Waltzer in underage furniture sting
By Mr. D. from KW

Furniture giant HouseWorld were yesterday reeling from the news that this website has 'outed' them selling furniture to underage youths. The law on this matter is quite strict and protects young people from making rash purchases at an age when they really should be buying round-the-world air tickets or large quanties of alcohol. The effects of 'settling down' are becoming a more common sight amongst Dublin youth prompting the passing of the Furniture and Bedding Act of 1998. Yet our young but fearless reporter, Waltzer, was able to purchase not just a nice table lamp, usually considered 'soft' furniture, but also an expensive piece of 'hard' furniture - the sofa in question.

HouseWorld were unavailable for comment yesterday stating that the matter was in the hands of their legal and consumer credit departments, but Angus Thirtysomething of YoFuNkE!! (Young Folk Not ****kin' Enytin Like My Day, I dunno..) said that HouseWorld's actions were "just typical of the cynical exploitation of innocent dot.commers by retail giants bent on making a huge profits to spend on squirting rabbits eyes with detergent, half the time this stuff is made in Usbeqinicka by starving eight year olds with cateracts anyway, sub us a tenner til me scratch comes through will yers..."

Waltzer is said to be stable after his ordeal.

 That Wrecks Me Buzz

Stressful Exercise
By Clare O'Connell.

It's good to exercise, right? It helps to stave off heart attacks, to manage stress levels, and to generally make you feel that everything is good with the world, right? WRONG! The theory falls apart when you try to make up your daily quota of physical jerks by cycling and swimming of a morning in Dublin.

I cycle 10k to and from work every day. You'd think I'd be exalted for easing traffic congestion and pollution in a city that's fast suffocating on its own fumes, right? Wrong again! Instead of pedalling in peace, I have to endure daily attempts on my life by oblivious motorists on mobile phones, ignorant bus drivers, and dozy pedestrians. The only part of me that gets a decent workout is my adrenal glands as they pump out gallons of stress hormones.

In an attempt to counteract the panic of the morning cycle, I have taken up swimming in a pool near work every morning. Good idea, right? Wrong yet again, I'm afraid. I now suffer from an additional ailment called pool rage. It's brought on when 'seahorses' (people who swim vertically, and therefore make tortuously slow progress) get into the fast lane and hold everyone else up. It's akin to getting stuck behind a moped on the M50, and there's no room to pass it out.

Basically it boils down to space. If motorists and pedestrians stayed out of the double-yellow-line zone, and if seahorses stuck to the slow/casual lanes, I would have room to exercise in peace and be in a more charitable mood. But they don't, and that wrecks me buzz.

Waltzer Experience © 2000-2001 Alan Wall.