Waltzer Experience christmas special
Santastic! permanent url:/home151.htm | week 151 | 18 December 2001
Archives: 2001 | 2000 | Discussions | Wage Slave | Kaner Experience | Kaner Memories | Photography | Quote of the Week
Turk's Head, Temple Bar Silk CUt Foot Morgan Ultra Violent
Diesel Sideburns Straps Teddybear Tickets
Microphone Cardigan Star Choker Scratch
Cross BioHazard Star Heart Tattoo

Social Club party: Turk's head, Temple Bar. A tenner for whoever can tell me who all the bits belong to! Entries: waltzer@waltzer.net.
See videos of this event at eSelect.tv: Video one | Video two.

John Nolan: on his new big monitor “It's nearly a pleasure to work with.”
Crib desecrated with tinsel

Giant snowflakes reported
Scrooge character not participating in balloon blowing-up antics



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The Waltzer Experience is a Tuesday weekly underground culture magazine for the Clonskeagh office. Waltzer welcomes submissions to waltzer@waltzer.net.
Alan Wall is a graphic designer who's interested in photography, web design, Dublin culture and writing.


Christmas arrives!

Hello everybody and welcome to the Christmas special of the Waltzer Experience. Join me as I look back over 2001 - the highs, the lows and the sillyness. Read what others are saying about the last year of Waltzer Experience, and look at the pictures that made the year what it was.

And please note that Waltzer.net is closing for Christmas and will be back to normal on Tuesday, 8th January.

A year in headlines
The numbers refer and link to the week the articles appeared.

The People

103 Ex-Writer Damien Owens releases novel "Dead Cat Bounce"
Mike, Susan, Jay
Jay, Michael, Susan star in company recruitment ad
108 Ex-Designer Alan Currie releases record "The Guv'nors: Busted"
111 Jason Power voted 6.6 on Hot Or Not
112 Foot and Mouth delays Killarney party
118 Danger Here writer Ed Leahy appears on TV3
124 Ex-KW MIS guy Graham releases website "WicklowToday.com"
Moose's Le DOg 128 Designer Moose releases animated film "Le Dog"
132 Team of house scuba-diving students travel to Connemara
133 Waltzer.net in mourning as Designer Ian Kane dies tragically in motorcycle accident
134 Waltzer.net publishes a tribute to Kaner
138 Designer John A. Keane marries
142 Alan Currie releases record label "Smooth," interviewed by Waltzer.net

The Spoofs

104 Dave Manzor admits to singing with Enigma on "Return to Innocence"
109 Designers forget to take tea break
109 Power cuts engineered to boost staff morale
113 Canteen changes sauce from Heinz to YR
116 Waltzer in underage furniture sting
Gillo, Kaner, L'Oreal
Gillo and Kaner in campaign for L'Oreal
112 Kaner, Russ and Gillo present "The Weetabix Experience"
125 O'Sheas 'beer garden' in use again
129 Programmer Mark Farber previous life as porn star
130 Programmer Rob Cummins in sex scandal
135 Des disappears after e-mail violation
Phil Action Figure
Company to launch action figures
144 Vacancy in drinking department for "Auld Lad"

The Parties

108 Break for the Border
109 Design night out: Rajoot Tandoori
119 Pod Party
123 End of E-Business: Odessa
131 Leopardstown Summer Party
135 Waltzer's housewarmer
136 Ciara's leaving
u2 girl
U2 Slane 2001
137 Pete's leaving
John's stag
Glen, Phil, Waltzer, Martin
John's wedding
140 Gillo's House Warmer
141 Killarney conference party and special feature
143 Martin's party in McSorleys
145 WaltzerLounge Halloween house party
Mairead, Isobel, Matt, Tri, Steve
Steve Wall's birthday party, WaltzerLounge
149 Twelve pubs of Christmas
150 Christmas party Jury's

Top 10 quotes

123 Eanna: Approaching Jackie's desk and suddenly spotting new monitor "Jackie, I was going to ring you about it but—JESUS! That's a big monitor!"

140 John Owens: "I thought it was a burp and then splash!" John on his loss of composure at the bar in O'Shea's.

131 Kaner Asked Daire if he'd like to go for a beer, Daire replied "No, I'm cool," Kaner: "I know you're cool, but you might want to go for a beer"

135 Triona B: "Sometimes I wish life had an undo button." Suddenly embarrassed as lads laugh at the geeky statement "...like now."

128 Irene: On Helena's novelty "Tune a fish" radio "The reception's not the John West."

137 Martin: "I'm in the order of the rag." Martin after a particularly heavy night.

117 Russ: Advising the lads about chasing girls who live with their boyfriend "Thats the lark that throws a swift 'no' into the equation."

107 Damian Gallagher: On a night of drinking "I'm going to get ruined tonight in a most immature fashion."

110 Jody: On a "Rebel beer" tap with a picture of an aul' lad in a quiet pub "If you're going to flog a cheap beer, at least come up with a good tap."

126 Jody: "Jesus, Waltzer, you can't even go to a kid's birthday party without thinking of women."


What you think
Waltzer asks some of the crew what they liked this year on Waltzer.net

Jody Fitzpatrick, writer

JodyI've spent ages now trawling through the vast Waltzer archive looking for a memorable edition from the past year to comment on and it's been a tricky task to say the least. The main problem stems from the fact that there have been plenty of memorable editions covering happy joyous occasions, not to mention the sadder ones as well. The one constant throughout has been the great writing, excellent layout and stylish photos of young Al Wall's cyber diary. The Waltzer.net always manages to make me smile when I get to read it on my least favourite day of the week, Tuesday.

This edition from March 12 (week 111) seems to capture all the elements I've just mentioned, from the girl with the mad beer hat to Russ Manning's very own Lizard King. It's also nice to see that the quote of the week belongs to the late Ian Kane. I still maintain he'd the worst take on a country accent I've ever heard, (I never knew when he was slagging me whether to be amused or annoyed) but that's not to take anything away from his otherwise superb wit. It's still tough to believe that he's gone. He always afforded ye a really cheerful salute and it's a credit to his parents and himself that he was a wonderfully decent man.

Mark Jordan, ex-KW designer

MarkIt's a rough, steely grey snowstorm of a day. Powdered sugar blasts through the air, whipped into vast eddies and swirlscapes outside of my window. It's Christmas. I've an office party hangover that I don't deserve (no, honest, I only had three Guinness and an Edelstoff). Plus now I've this thing to write. Shite! How to cram an impression of a years worth of waltzer.net into 200 words or less? What can't I say?

There's only so many motion-blurred, dodgy, supersaturated pictures of Phil with a fag poised ominously before a wry grin, in THAT 70'S JACKET that a man can process in a year. Only so many extreme close-ups of John Owens in vomitus on the ____________(insert form of public transport here) that a man can stomach. And there are NEVER ENOUGH pictures of rather pretty waifs and gurdles for a man to wonder at. Hmmm. But it is indubitably nice to have a wee comfort-site, like a dirty auld shite-ridden blanket that you can't let go of, to scoot along to every Tuesday morning. Actually the Tuesday morning publication doesn't sit right with me, offends all my autistic sensibilities, just really gets my Louis Gosset Jr up. What does trigger all my autistic fetishes is the prospect of counting how many alcoholic beverages appear in the photos on waltzer.net... answers on a tattooed badgers sphincter to the usual address.

Ger McCarthy, programmer

Ger Week 143 is a memorable one for me. It was a great (unplanned) night that spiralled out of control about 7pm in McSorley's and ended up in Tramco - Rathmines in the wee small hours. It was Martin's (Yoda) going away do and everyone made sure he had a great send off. Picture 8 captures the drunken state of the most of the muppets who were out that night.

Week 142 always makes me laugh when I see that ugly fucker's (Alan Currie) mug as the label for his record company "Purgatory". Currie, it's "Purgatory" listening to your "music"... only joking, it's not that bad... after 10 pints.

Week 141 (can anyone see a pattern here) is my favourite edition of all. The Killarney trip was blast from start to finish. The image of Cian and I showing off the impressive results of our drinking is a lovely image indeed. Although Cian was drinking Baby Sham… The beautiful day image of the U2 cover band is also funny as I never got to see/hear them. The few days in Kerry were excellent.

Finally, week 131 has a memorable image of my "departmental move drinks/session" - Jaysus we'll do anything for a piss up - The image of me "mothering" Johnny 'Bravo' Owens says a lot about the two of us... I'll let you make up your own minds on that one...

Kevin O'Connell, design manager

Kevin Summer in Dublin (well, Clonskeagh, anyway)

I'd safely say that my favourite image from Waltzer's archives dates from week 117 (April 23rd), titled 'Summer Arrives'. We have the usual suspects, Dave Manzor and Jay (plus what seems to be a shy Tony Hand) standing in front of O'Sheas on a sunny Friday evening. Well, I hope it was sometime after 5.30...

As would be usual for the next few months, Jay is providing much needed shade to his boozy brethren. Dave has his 'I have only had two pints so far' smile on, while Tony, as is usual, appears to be casing the car park.

As for the rest of us? Probably sitting uncomfortably on Kegs, swatting wasps and cursing the Compaq employees for knocking off at 4.30 and snaffling all the good seats...

Roll on next summer!!!

Moose, designer

MooseWaltzer's unpublished photo diary of the Berman and Wallace restaurant construction.

We spent the year looking out in hopeful expectation of what the strange green saucer could be. Then it opened with a first day extravaganza, including such gems as leaky, gone-off smoothies and constant alarm ringing. But we all put it all down to teething problems.

A year later it's the same, and if any child of mine teethed for 365 days I would give it to social services, which is where the festering green bastards deserve to be. Serving food on plates the size of satellite dishes doesn't make it nice food, claiming such wild theories such as "cheese is a meat" all delivered in angelic tones by a shrek look-a-like who takes personal delight in being as obnoxious as possible while emptying your hard earned cash from your pockets.

Even when the AIB decided to hand us all twice the money we deserved, it was gone in a flash after purchasing half a sun dried tomato on a bed of stale bread. And the portions involved, if put through a mathematical equation, come out at about £4.90 per square inch of food.

So we can look back on Waltzer's photo dairy of the building process with naive glee and remember a more innocent age when we waiting with baited breath for an O'Brien's, or a sun dial, or even a bar. My own money was on a strip club run by the cat man from Sky telly but that was not to be, instead we got some joint that sounds like a private eye agency and charges five pounds a sandwich, and remember that'll be over six euros, SIX EUROS. Unless for the New Year everyone ignores them till they go away, and we can spend the next year wondering what will replace it all over again.

Tony O'Brien, Limerick boss

Tony My favourite piece of Waltzer.net over the past year has to be the coverage of this year's conference in Killarney. Given the large numbers of cattle dealers and sheep farmers on the SmartForce staff, the usual April time-slot was cancelled due to foot and mouth precautions. So we all had to wait six months to force-feed ourselves sub-par food and no doubt watered-down drink over the two frenetic nights of the conference.

The absolute highlight for me was Wednesday night's "Oirish" band - fresh from supporting The Irish Rovers' Reunion Tour. Dedicated showmen, who pride themselves on knowing their audience and capturing the prevailing mood, they wowed us with the likes of "A Nation Once Again" and "Come out ye Black and Tans" Not to be outdone, well-known SmartForce personality Jody Fitzpatrick led the band in a stirring rendition of Slievenamon. (Up Tipp) Classic Stuff. I think Waltzer captured the mood of the night perfectly with his shot of Mary Kate's impression of a Boney M backing dancer. Like MK we all found it impossible to resist - the rhythm had taken control!

Sarah Hipwell, design team lead

Sarah When I was asked to contribute to the Waltzer Christmas special, my immediate reaction was 'flight' as opposed to 'write'. Then I thought, sure heck, maybe someone might get a chuckle or even a laugh!

Speaking of a different kind of flight, I recall week 33: 14 August 2000, That Wrecks Me Buzz. 'Airport Mayhem' by Breffini O'Malley - a quick synopsis - a weekend away to NYC basically turns into a fiasco between delays; inclement weather cancelling flights; lost baggage...I think you get the picture! This ditty only conjures up my own ill-fated flight with Air Farce to Florence of the same year avec Mama Hipwell, which you can read about on waltzer.net in the new year...




A year in pictures
Waltzer chooses the best images from the 2000+ images that were taken this year exclusively for the Waltzer Experience.

January: Writer Clare Cummins at her leaving party in Birchall's with Jane Doone and occasional Waltzer.net contributor, Claire O'Connell.
Enlarge | That week
February: Designers Helga and Isobel at the Break for the Border party.
Enlarge | That week
April: Tony, Dave and Jay enjoy the first outside pint of the Summer in O'Shea's car-park themed beer garden.
Enlarge | That week
June: Jackie gets a kiss from Mike at the Wireless party in Odessa.
Enlarge | That week
June: Mo, Mark and Amanda play pool at Mo's summer barbeque party.
Enlarge | That week
July: Peter in the reflection of Waltzer's sunglasses box outside O'Shea's.
Enlarge | That week

August: KW'ers, Mo, Russ, Gillo, Kaner, Mandy, Siobhan and Waltzer at the Summer barbeque in Leopardstown.
Enlarge | That week

August: Richard, Shane and Joe drink outside Hamilton's bar in Leenane while beside them a man fills his car with petrol.
Enlarge | That week
August: Last picture taken of Kaner before he died. This was shot in Clonskeagh on a Saturday. Kaner had left his bike in the office so he could have a few drinks on Friday.
Enlarge | That week
August: Ciara and Isobel with Waltzer in O'Shea's before a house warmer in Waltzer's new flat.
Enlarge | That week
September: Waltzer with John looking crazy at his stag night in Belgo's, Temple Bar.
Enlarge | That week
September: At the American Embassy in Ballsbridge, the US flag flies at half-mast in the aftermath of the September 11th terrorist attack.
Enlarge | That week
September: Jo, Triona and Waltzer at Stephen's Green late one school night.
Enlarge | That week
September: Emma does her make up in McSorley's. Anne is in the background.
Enlarge | That week
September: Ray looks at the camera as Kayo, Martin and Phil watch the ceremony.
Enlarge | That week

October: Gillo uses two types of tea to revive his eyes during a break in the Conference in Galway while Russ watches television.
Enlarge | That week

October: Martin in McSorley's with a massive box of fags.
Enlarge | That week

October: Gillo and Tessa admire the view from Waltzer's new gaff on Halloween night.
Enlarge | That week

November: Mairead and Gillo pull faces after knocking back their first ever Absinthe in McSorley's.
Enlarge | That week
November: Mary, Meabh, Donna and Eamonn at a house party in Waltzer's.
Enlarge | That week
December: Ciara helps Waltzer stretch Waltzer's Santy hat.  
Enlarge | That week

Wage Slave
A special full-size colour Christmas Wage Slave. Click on the image to enlarge.
Wage Slave is archived.


Waltzer Experience © 2000-2001 Alan Wall. All images are copyright and may not be used without permission.
Wage Slave © 2000-2001 Philip Barrett.