Clickable! L-R: Cathy, Tony, Jody, Viv, Waltzer, Helen, her hubby, Aoife, Mary Kate, Sarah, Matt, Mark, Sally, Mary Kate.

THE ARCHIVES Listed menu: Easy to navigate. STATEMENT OF THE WEEK: Ian: (on hearing that I had no buzz) "No buzz is a bad buzz." DROP US AN E: waltzer@excite.com AUDIOFIND GET MP3: The Waltzer Experience is managed by Alan Wall. © 2000 Alan Wall

New Column: Top 10 This sunny week sees the launch of a new column on the Waltzer Experience. Every week there will be a new Top 10 covering subjects as diverse as chips to silicon to CHiPs. If you enjoy this week's Top 10, why not send in your own Top 10 on a subject that interests you? Just mail your Top 10 to me at waltzer@excite.com and I'll put it up as soon as I can. An interactive feature of the Top 10 is the ability to contest the week's top 10. If you disagree with the Top 10, put your own top 10 or even top 3 into the box below the Top 10 and send it off. The following week I will show the general opinion of the massive compared to the opinion of the writer. Blue Jean Country Queen Festival It's that time of year again, the redneck drinking session festival in Athboy, Co. Meath. I WILL be there. Last year was wicked and it filled my head with anecdotes for a year! Here's your chance to experience the festival with your friendly guide, Waltzer. I have scooped some information about the weekend, and I know you will love it. It's on the June Bank Holiday weekend, 2-5th. I will be getting a B&B, which will not cost more than £20 each I'd say. Keep the weekend open. Should be a good one, and it'll get you out of the city for a break. Athboy is 70 minutes from Busarus Bus Station, behind the Custom House, so it's no bother getting there. Check out the line up for the two best days: Saturday 3rd June 2.00pm-6.00pm: Street Carnival 8.00pm onwards: Music and entertainment in the pubs of the town 10.00pm: Barbeque in the grounds of the Old Darnley Lodge Hotel, music by PLATINUM followed by JOANNA AND TEQUILA SUNRISE in Marquee 1, ballads with POITIN in Marquee 2, Buck Mulligan's Nite Club Sunday 4th June 12.00 noon: Fancy Dress Football 2.30-6.00pm: Music in the Park featuring the Modelling Competition 8.00pm: Banquet in the Darnley Suite 10.00pm onwards: Music by the KAYE TWINS in Marquee 1, THE THREE AMIGOS in Marquee 2, Buck Mulligan's Nite Club MIDNIGHT: Announcing of Blue Jean Country Queen 2000 Helen Leaves Helen has left the business house. She worked as a writer and an editor for a over a year with us. Helen is off to Seattle with her husband. Best of luck, Helen.

Viv's Quintessential Top 10 Chippers in Dubil'in 10. McDonalds, O' Connell St. (Vintage 80's era) Don't front, yall know back in the day this was the spot! After checking the latest Schwarzenegger flick in the Savoy, I'd run across to Mackers, get me a double cheeseburger meal and eat it on "Da Fluzi", talkin shit with me mates tryin to intellectualise 'Total Recall', ....rapid!! 9. Tony's Takeaway, Swords (the post disco favourite) Tony was a mumblin old fart and didn't take a slaggin too well when Italy lost the World Cup, but, you gotta respect the man's chips! 8. The Roxy Diner, Swords (aka The Poxy Swiner) Good alternative for the days I didn't fancy some Shaolin. Fairly reliable Chicken Burger but if you fancy something a bit more suave, ..watch 'two fat ladies'. 7. Apache Pizza, Dame St. (freebies galore) My mate Gillo used to work in Apache so I never had to pay for a thing, I wish he was still there, aint nuthin like a free 16 inch with 10 toppings. But I do still pop in for the odd slice! 6. Summer Inn, Swords (oriental lovin') Damn good Chicken Satay and Egg Fried Rice. Nuff said!!! 5. Pinheads Pizza, Rathmines (quality service at a competitive price) Im a bit new to this gaf but Im feelin it! Big up to D. Corr for recommending this joint! 4. Perki Chick*, Drumcondra. (da creme de la creme of snack boxes) Many fast-food connoisseurs would say Leo Burdocks got the best chips in Dubil'in, I'd say, "Ask me bollix, Perky Chick got the real shit". The staff in this gaff are fast, efficient and nice with da vinegar,........Dig! *Did You Know: My old flatmate Walshy was a fairly pudgey geezer before he discovered Perki. He's a fat bastard now...coincidence? I think not. 3. Iskanders, Dame St. (Turkish delight) After a night of hassle from Da Scum (Dublin Bouncers), its good to bail into Iskanders and wolf down a Chicken Shish Kebab with da crew, Although you'll probably leave with more shit on ya than down your gob! This place is always jammers after 12 and you'll have to put up with the extremely wack contemporary Turkish pop music pumpin outta the Jukebox, but da grub is well worth da fuss!! Had a classic food-fight in here 2 years ago! 2. Some Like it Hot**, Drumcondra (big ass burgers) Right across the road from me auld gaff in Drumi, I virtually lived in this joint for a year and a half, anybody who's been here can testify there ain't no bigger or better burger than The Quarter Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. They do a damn good breakfast as well; you gotta nasty hangover, why not drop in, order breki, jam some Hendrix on the jukebox, read the sports headlines and tuck in .....Aaaaah Bliss!!! **Caution: They put carrots in the Kebabs, yep, they drown 'em in that shit! 1. The Golden Swords aka 'Shaolin' (Da curry temple) We used to call it Shaolin because of our Buddhist monk-like devotion to the kip. Its sadly been closed down now for hygiene reasons but this place was legendary, mention Shaolin to an old school head and your bound to get a wry smile! Situated across the road from The Lord Mayors, Shaolin was the epicentre of the 'Post-Boozer Swords Shitstorm' every Fri/Sat/Sunday night, all fuckin hell would break loose; rows, fights, car crashes and much vomiting, you name it!! Im not even gonna talk about the curry chips.......unique, rich and textured curry sauce unmatched to this day, they must have put dead cats in it or something but daaaamn, it tasted so gooood!!!

Hoopy Earrings There is a breed of girl in Dublin that like to turn men off by wearing huge gold hoopy earrings. You know the ones. Well I have to think that these earrings look so disgusting that I probably wouldn't talk to a girl who was wearing them if she came up to me in a club. I remember last week I was getting the bus through Shankill and there are these three school girls waiting for the bus every day. Two of them wear the earrings. Now I have a habit of deciding who is the best looking girl whenever I see a bunch. Because of these earrings, I would only consider the one who doesn't wear the earrings. So it's never any fun to see those girls, it's always the same girl looks best and she is mingin' as it is. So for the craic, I had a look at the other two's faces, and to my surprise, they were better looking. But I couldn't forgive them for the earrings. So my message this week is: If you are one of these girls who wears knacker, I mean big sad "gold" earrings, then try a week without them and see if you notice that you are getting more respect than when you wore them. I'm sure you will be surprised. Now that really wrecks me buzz. Nasdaq Portfolio Tracking If you have recently bought shares in an American company, there is a very useful page on Nasdaq that tracks your portfolio. You tell it how many shares you have of each company, and it puts them into a spreadsheet-like page that is constantly updated with the latest prices to tell you the total value of your portfolio. Just go to Nasdaq and click on "Portfolio Tracking", and you'll be on your way to finding out just how rich you are! Disagree with the Top 10? Throw your version of the Top 10 together and click "send". Next week you will see an average of the massive compared to Viv's.