waltzer:experience :w:

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permanent url:/home217.htm | week 217 | 23 April 2002
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O'Sheas, Russells

Joey John Tri John Mandy Neil Raj and Mairead all find something different to look at.
Brian, Gillo, Colm Waltzer, Tri
Ranelagh John, Joey
Brian and True promotion John, Raj
Joey John Tri John Mandy Neil Raj Mairead Offending toaster

 
ANTICS
CLASSIC QUOTE:

Phil: You could put poles in that and live in it!
Phil on the size of the new corporate t-shirts.

AROUND THE OFFICE:
Dads
Calls to dads up 200%
Do you accept cash? Ching ching!
Dollars, she's my perception

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SEARCH WALTZER

Search through the archives.

GOOGLE SEARCH

Search the web.

FRIENDS SITES:
Waltzer and Brian's Design awards
Mark Jordan's Punchbear
Larry, Gareth and Ed's Danger Here football site
Alan Currie's Purgatory Records record label
LOVE THESE SITES:
Huny C. Young's weblog and excellent graphic experiments
The Designers Republic graphic design company.  The best design ever!
The Onion, extraordinary sarcastic newspaper.

REMINDER

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WALTZER.NET
CONTRIBUTE
The Waltzer Experience is a Tuesday weekly underground culture magazine for the Clonskeagh office. Waltzer welcomes submissions to waltzer@waltzer.net.
ALAN WALL
Alan Wall is a graphic designer who's interested in photography, web design, Dublin culture and writing.

 Waffle

What's going on with Waltzer these days?

The company has restored net access. I can't claim it has anything to do with my rant last week, but I certainly got a lot of people laughing at me for it. Ha ha fun and games. This week I have two interesting strories from friends of mine. Sorry about the low-brow antics of Dave's story but I thought it was so funny that it had to come up.

A lot of people are leaving this week. Should be a good one in O'Sheas.

Speaking of companies, I found this site the other day. It's about companies that are having problems. Do a search and see if your company has a file, and if so, what are people saying about the company. It's mostly people giving out, but interesting none the less: FuckedCompany.com.

 

 

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 Danger

Hangovers? Just burn the kitchen down!
Triona Byrne on a scary morning

TrionaIt was one of those horribly hungover Saturday mornings, our humble abode was the scene of the crime. Raidey suggested toast 'n tea to ease us into having something more than the remains of last nights truckload of alcohol in our stomachs.

Good idea I thought, little did I know it would end up being more of a hangover cure than we thought!

Half a loaf later and still no sign of us being able to eat the toast, no-one seemed to be able to remember that it was on and we burnt it every time.

"Throw another two in there," shouted Waltzer from his half-alive position on the sofa, and so I did.

Looking in the bathroom mirror trying to scrub the remains of mascara and glittery stuff from my eyes I heard someone thundering up the stairs and all sorts of commotion going on downstairs, heard Raidey shouting at me to come out - oh shit I thought, Waltzer's getting sick.

"I'll be out in a minute," says I. Running down the stairs I met with a huge cloud of smoke covering the sitting room and coming from the kitchen! Somewhere in there was Raidey, Waltzer 'n little Marie all coughing like dirty old men that have been smoking for 60 odd years. I could barely make them out through the haze of smoke.

Waltzer plugged the toaster out and the rest of us tried to get all the doors n windows open, big problem when it turned out we couldn't find the key to the back door. After a lot of searching and trying two wrong ones first, Raidey finally found the key and swung the doors open. Phew! Aaaair!

I threw the toaster out onto the back garden and out fell the incriminating pieces of charcoal that were once destined to be toast - how bad! It took ages for the smoke to clear and the smell is still in the house - pure mingin!

We stood outside so as not to inhale any of the fumes. After the shock of it had knocked any earlier signs of a hangover out of us, we all burst out laughing! Outside safe and sound a good fifteen or twenty minutes later and finally the smoke alarm decides to go off!

Shocking to think if it had of happened the night before when we were all fairly smashed, we could have all been brown bread, it filled all the rooms so fast it was scary.

Anyway luckily we didn't have to call any fire brigade and we were all grand, no toast for a while mind you, and a few burnt presses in the kitchen but not so bad considering.

One of the scariest things in the end turned out to be what I ended up standing outside wearing as Waltzer kindly pointed out to me: Purple nightdress, navy tracksuit bottoms and a bright blue cardigan to top it off nicely! Fire brigade - nah, fashion police more like!

 Culture

My night as a rockstar
Dave McGilly on a successful night.

DaveI was at the Shanghi Shuffle the other nite and Sang a duet with a stunning young blonde-Kids by Robbie & Kylie. When that was finished the compare asked if I would stay on stage and do "I would walk five hundred miles" I obliged and by this point the place was jumping. I then sat down for my meal.

You're not going to believe what I am going to tell you next! When I was having my dinner A big Chinese waiter came over and said "could you please follow me upstairs we would like a word!" As I made my way upstairs the place was absolutely bouncing, every single person was standing on their table. It was a Scottish power nite out so I knew most people there.

When I got upstairs the China man took me into a large suite above the restraint and politely asked me to take my clothes off! I said WHAT!! He said it's o.k. we're going to dress you up! After I stripped to my boxers they squeezed me into an Elvis jump suit, which was open from the crotch up! They fixed my hair and proceeded to walk me back down the spiral staircase with a five man entourage around me, the compare introduced the King from Memphis is back for one nite only! And on my gran's grave the place went fucking mental.

As I walked across the tables to the stage everyone was trying to touch me for a laugh and most of the china's were trying to get off with me. When I got on stage I burst into a rendition of Suspicious Minds. The dance floor was full and about half way through the song most of the birds came on-stage with me and proceeded to strip me! All I had left on was my boxers and my belt was around my neck! And yes you guess it, my BOXERS WENT NEXT! I was bollock naked. Quite a few girls threw their knickers at me and I kid u not I lost count of the girls I snogged during that song.

As I apprehended my boxers and made my way back upstairs to get my clobber I couldn't move for girls pulling me up for a dance & a snog. Eventually when I got my own gear on and got back to my table I had girls up every minute wanting a photo with the king of riddrie! It was at this moment the manager came over and congratulated me on my performance in getting the crowd going. He the offered myself free drinks for the rest off the nite, whatever I wanted, just to put it on his tab. As the sambucas followed so did the blondes! I felt like a rock star!

I ended taking two of them home to mum's!! Thongs and all! Mother was the only one who didn't seem too pleased at my rock star status in the morning. But at the end of the day I was the king and was lying with stunnas one either side of me and all they had on was a thong while all I had on was my birthday suit and a bottle of champers, free, gratis, in my hands while we all sucked from it! Oh by the way the karaoke didn't stop in the restaurant if you know what I mean! Now it's back to reality, I'm barred from the house, back at work and I'm still trying to recover...

I wouldn't lie chaps it's all true!

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