waltzer:experience
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permanent url:/home217.htm | week 217 | 23 April 2002 |
| Archives:
2002 | 2001
| 2000 | Discussions
| Wage Slave | Kaner |
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O'Sheas, Russells
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What's going on with Waltzer these days?
The company has restored net access. I can't claim it has anything to
do with my rant last week, but I certainly got a lot of people laughing
at me for it. Ha ha fun and games. This week I have two interesting strories
from friends of mine. Sorry about the low-brow antics of Dave's story
but I thought it was so funny that it had to come up.
A lot of people are leaving this week. Should be a good one in O'Sheas.
Speaking of companies, I found this site the other day. It's about companies
that are having problems. Do a search and see if your company has a file,
and if so, what are people saying about the company. It's mostly people
giving out, but interesting none the less: FuckedCompany.com.
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Hangovers? Just burn the kitchen down!
Good idea I thought, little did I know it would end up being more of
a hangover cure than we thought!
Half a loaf later and still no sign of us being able to eat the toast,
no-one seemed to be able to remember that it was on and we burnt it every
time.
"Throw another two in there," shouted Waltzer from his half-alive position
on the sofa, and so I did.
Looking in the bathroom mirror trying to scrub the remains of mascara
and glittery stuff from my eyes I heard someone thundering up the stairs
and all sorts of commotion going on downstairs, heard Raidey shouting
at me to come out - oh shit I thought, Waltzer's getting sick.
"I'll be out in a minute," says I. Running down the stairs I met with
a huge cloud of smoke covering the sitting room and coming from the kitchen!
Somewhere in there was Raidey, Waltzer 'n little Marie all coughing like
dirty old men that have been smoking for 60 odd years. I could barely
make them out through the haze of smoke.
Waltzer plugged the toaster out and the rest of us tried to get all
the doors n windows open, big problem when it turned out we couldn't find
the key to the back door. After a lot of searching and trying two wrong
ones first, Raidey finally found the key and swung the doors open. Phew!
Aaaair!
I threw the toaster out onto the back garden and out fell the incriminating
pieces of charcoal that were once destined to be toast - how bad! It took
ages for the smoke to clear and the smell is still in the house - pure
mingin!
We stood outside so as not to inhale any of the fumes. After the shock
of it had knocked any earlier signs of a hangover out of us, we all burst
out laughing! Outside safe and sound a good fifteen or twenty minutes
later and finally the smoke alarm decides to go off!
Shocking to think if it had of happened the night before when we were
all fairly smashed, we could have all been brown bread, it filled all
the rooms so fast it was scary.
Anyway luckily we didn't have to call any fire brigade and we were all
grand, no toast for a while mind you, and a few burnt presses in the kitchen
but not so bad considering.
One of the scariest things in the end turned out to be what I ended
up standing outside wearing as Waltzer kindly pointed out to me: Purple
nightdress, navy tracksuit bottoms and a bright blue cardigan to top it
off nicely! Fire brigade - nah, fashion police more like! |
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My night as a rockstar
You're not going to believe what I am going to tell you next! When I
was having my dinner A big Chinese waiter came over and said "could you
please follow me upstairs we would like a word!" As I made my way upstairs
the place was absolutely bouncing, every single person was standing on
their table. It was a Scottish power nite out so I knew most people there.
When I got upstairs the China man took me into a large suite above the
restraint and politely asked me to take my clothes off! I said WHAT!!
He said it's o.k. we're going to dress you up! After I stripped to my
boxers they squeezed me into an Elvis jump suit, which was open from the
crotch up! They fixed my hair and proceeded to walk me back down the spiral
staircase with a five man entourage around me, the compare introduced
the King from Memphis is back for one nite only! And on my gran's grave
the place went fucking mental.
As I walked across the tables to the stage everyone was trying to touch
me for a laugh and most of the china's were trying to get off with me.
When I got on stage I burst into a rendition of Suspicious Minds. The
dance floor was full and about half way through the song most of the birds
came on-stage with me and proceeded to strip me! All I had left on was
my boxers and my belt was around my neck! And yes you guess it, my BOXERS
WENT NEXT! I was bollock naked. Quite a few girls threw their knickers
at me and I kid u not I lost count of the girls I snogged during that
song.
As I apprehended my boxers and made my way back upstairs to get my clobber
I couldn't move for girls pulling me up for a dance & a snog. Eventually
when I got my own gear on and got back to my table I had girls up every
minute wanting a photo with the king of riddrie! It was at this moment
the manager came over and congratulated me on my performance in getting
the crowd going. He the offered myself free drinks for the rest off the
nite, whatever I wanted, just to put it on his tab. As the sambucas followed
so did the blondes! I felt like a rock star!
I ended taking two of them home to mum's!! Thongs and all! Mother was
the only one who didn't seem too pleased at my rock star status in the
morning. But at the end of the day I was the king and was lying with stunnas
one either side of me and all they had on was a thong while all I had
on was my birthday suit and a bottle of champers, free, gratis, in my
hands while we all sucked from it! Oh by the way the karaoke didn't stop
in the restaurant if you know what I mean! Now it's back to reality, I'm
barred from the house, back at work and I'm still trying to recover...
I wouldn't lie chaps it's all true! |
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Waltzer Experience © 2000-2002 Alan Wall. All images are copyright
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Wage Slave © 2000-2002 Phil Barrett
It
was one of those horribly hungover Saturday mornings, our humble abode
was the scene of the crime. Raidey suggested toast 'n tea to ease us into
having something more than the remains of last nights truckload of alcohol
in our stomachs.
I
was at the Shanghi Shuffle the other nite and Sang a duet with a stunning
young blonde-Kids by Robbie & Kylie. When that was finished the compare
asked if I would stay on stage and do "I would walk five hundred miles"
I obliged and by this point the place was jumping. I then sat down for
my meal.