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STATEMENT OF THE WEEK:
Dermot: (in response to "Are you not coming out for Siobhan's leaving?")
[Long Pause...]"Er, I thought it was next week."
THE ARCHIVES
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waltzer@waltzer.net
WRITE FOR THE EXPERIENCE
If you think you could write an interesting Top 10, Wrecks Me Buzz or a Special, then please let me know. External writers are strongly encouraged. Let's evolve the site together. It can be a hang-out place for the crew (even if you don't work in the Business House) where we can share stories, photos and generally keep in touch.
The Waltzer Experience is created by Alan Wall in Bray, Clonskeagh, Navan and Ranelagh.
© 2000 Alan Wall
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Stevo's Garden Party
Evening fell bringing a break to the rain which had worried us all day. The garden party was about to start and the gear was all set up. I was checking the bubble machine when I turned around and a bus had pulled up bringing about 15 buzzing heads to the party. I started the night with some Chemical Brothers and brought the crew through sets of dance, rock and disco. The evening went very smoothly with nothing going wrong except for a missing crate of beer and a blocked toilet. Deja-vu like a motherf**ker! So within the 5 hours, I took a roll of pictures, recorded 74 minutes of audio, played about 40 records and met about 20 girls. Yes, this party was going down well with the crew enjoying the little touches we added, like a huge box of lollypops, a rake of chicken and beefburgers with all your favourite toppings and disco lights to set off the dancing buzz.
I would like to welcome all the crew who are visiting the Waltzer Experience for the first time this week to check out their photos. Hope you like it! If you want to see last week's episode or any other one for that matter, click on the archive link here or on the left of the page.
Siobhan Leaves
One of my favourite girls in the house, Siobhan, has left. Siobhan was with us for just under a year, and in that time she has had an influence on us all with her humour and her hilarious little quirks, like clapping her hands when she's excited and accidentally mailing the whole company with her sleeping arrangements for Galway. Yes. We will miss Siobhan very much. And what a fine thing she was too. Good luck in Australia, chicken.
Web Construction Special: Part Three
Guess what? I didn't do it! Ha ha. Well I really do hope to finish this project, but like I said, I am very busy at the moment. If you are waiting for it, let me know in the comment box there at the right. Thanks.
This week in Radio, I chat to people at the Leaving Cert Party at my country retreat in Navan.
Alan Thompson gives a big shout out to the posse. (262k)
I interview Niamh on her sexual orientation. (91k)
Karen hits her head on the microphone. Great! (35k)
Louise and Carima lovin' The Waltzer (58k)
I ask some of my girls their ages, including Lynne and Sinead. (210k)
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Evils Of The World
Waltzer helps you live better by avoiding the Devil's music, toys, and addictive drugs.
10. Europop/Packaged Pop Bands
The pathetic drone music coming out of the likes of Boyzone, Steps, Vengaboys, S-Club 7 and Westlife is the product of artificially arranged auditioned bands. They stand for nothing, they are squeaky clean, they instil noting in the way of pride in the new generation of music buyers, and they are making a mockery of the commercial charts which used to feature The Beatles, Bowie, Jerry Lee Lewis, Marvin Gaye and Chuck Berry.
Alternative: Kids, go to your parents record collection, pull something out at random, and hey presto, it's better than Steps.
9. Elevators
Do you remember what it was like to walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath? Elevators have turned us into the laziest crew this side of the States. Dublin has height restrictions! There isn't a building in the city that needs an Elevator!
Alternative: Take the feckin' stairs! You'll be glad you did in a couple of weeks.
8. Video cameras
There is nothing more annoying than being at a party and having a video camera pointed at you. It's a guaranteed party stopper. Why oh why do people insist on filming everything that they see. And wrecking everyone's buzz in the process. Then they show the tape without editing it! Infuriating!
Alternative: Get yourself a still image camera and a dictaphone or a mini-disk player. Pictures and sound! Easy to edit on your computer, easy to share over the web, doesn't annoy anyone as much.
7. Cigarettes
The carrier of a million toxins, cancers and addictive chemicals designed to kill the very brain cells that tell you it's wrong. And it kills all your friends too.
Alternative: Give it up for the DJ Waltzer. Try all the ways you can. Don't let it win over you.
6. Procrastination
This is why students fail their exams, entrepreneurs lose money, and employees stay in their jobs so long. Putting things off is so easy, yet so damaging. You are only passing on the workload to your future self.
Alternative: If you have something to do, DO IT NOW! Don't keep saying "tomorrow", or it'll never come. Do your work, set up your business, make your CV and portfolio. Start it now and you will thank yourself tomorrow.
5. Speed
Speeding on the road kills people. You might survive, but how would you be able to live with the knowledge that you took a girl away from her boyfriend and family who loved and needed her. Not worth it.
Alternative: Slow down. Be Irish and just take it easy.
4. Tabloids
These papers are half the size of ordinary papers and specialise in scandal, sport and celebrity nonsense. You can be sure of melting your head with one of these papers. Especially when you hear someone say "It's true, I read it in the 'News of the World'"
Alternative: Get yourself a nice Broadsheet with economics, news, culture, style, business and politics. Mmmm. Lovely.
3. Narrow minded people (especially politicians)
"Oh Creamfields doesn't have planning permission, bars should close at 11.30, clubs have to have a food licence, refugees can't work..." I am sick to death of the narrow-mindedness in the country. Politicians from the country with nothing to do, waiting for a festival or event to complain about, begrudging people who make a lot of money, begrudging people who are happy, the bearers of doom! And the narrow-minded hoodlums outside the country discos waiting to start a row with whoever is from another town or looks different.
Alternative: Get a life, lads. Open your mind. Travel. Don't be dead before you die.
2. TV
Television has been labelled "The opium of the masses", "The drug of the nation", "Extremely addictive" and "The 2nd worst evil of the world". Television is so much a part of our lives that Irish people have an average of two TVs in the house and have at least one room devoted to the TV. Spending up to 6 hours a day, the working person is addicted to this infernal machine that teaches nothing, feeds advertising and subliminal social etiquette messages. The greatest time waster ever invented, TV use should be seriously looked into in your house.
Alternative: Go on the Internet, learn specific things. Get only the news you want. Dig deep into a subject. Use your TV for football (or go to the match), movies (or go to the cinema) and interesting documentaries on C4. Release your mind.
And the worst evil of the world...
1. Drink
That's right! I know this website is often supported by drink related activities, but it has to be said drink is the final evil. Ireland is plagued with a drink culture that cripples us. It was once said that God invented drink to stop the Irish taking over the world. We are an intelligent race and if it wasn't for drink, would probably produce the best scientists, designers, architects, business people and international politicians. But all these years we've been too busy drinking ourselves blind. The world is there for you to take what you can from. You have only one chance and you shouldn't let the drink hold you back.
Alternative: Go to the theatre, go out for dinner, take in a movie, visit a gallery. The arts suffer in Ireland because we would rather drink than see art, be it movies, paintings, sculpture or a play.
Open your mind.
Send me your Top 10: waltzer@waltzer.net
Got any comments for the Waltzer Experience?
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End-Of-Month Poverty.
Being paid at the end of the month is not easy. You have to budget your money if you want to it to last till the end. Most months I don't, and I end up eating Weetabix for lunch for the last week.
If you don't get paid this way, you'd be surprised at what it can do to you. You start to check the price of everything you buy. It's like being in college again. "I'll get breakfast at home, have a sandwich for lunch and I'll save £3." Just so you go out and buy £2.40 pints.
Now it's not like I am flipping burgers in McDonalds. I am a professional graphic designer. And I don't think any professional should have to count pennies at the end of the month to get by. It's not on at all. Never mind getting a car or a house, all I want is to have enough money to eat and drink throughout the month, and not just the first two weeks of a month. It's not like I am spending lots of money either: I'm just living.
Well I am sick of having to be cautious with every penny at the end of the month, stealing food from the parent's house, eating cereal and skipping lunch. I don't like borrowing a fiver from one of the lads for a drink on a Thursday evening. And I am pissed off avoiding paying for the DART and understating the bus fare.
If you are in the same boat, maybe it's time to say to your boss that you are not happy with the wages. That's what I am going to do. I'm not being greedy, I am not even doing it so I can afford a car or house, but I am doing it to have enough money to live. Big companies waffle on about how the stuff will be produced and how we will be structured, but if you haven't got food in your belly and money for a pint then you won't hear the plans. They might as well be telling you they are upgrading all the machines to super computers and our next job will be to Beta-Test Quake 4. The only buzz word I am looking for is WAGES!
Now that wrecks me buzz.
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