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week 31 : 31 july 2000

The Birthday Card The Party The Party The Party The Party

Waltzer's Birthday Party: Office card, Matt checks out Ashtons sign, Dermot enjoying a hot whiskey, The White Horse at night, Jody gives his scoring tips.


"Nixers are like girls: you get one and they're all over you."

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The Waltzer Experience is edited and largely created by Alan Wall.

© 2000 Alan Wall


Birthday Goes Well

My "19th" birthday went very well. The office crew, God bless their little hearts, presented me with a card (above), a chocolate cake and a child's camera. Thanks guys. That's my third camera. Not a bad collection I'll have soon!

And thanks to everyone who came out for the scoop so close to the end of the month and on a Tuesday night as well. But at one stage I thought no-one was coming: After being in Ashtons with Ian, Dermot and Matt, Martin and I sat in The White Horse from 7.30 until about 8.15 before the crew started coming in. We were going to finish the pints and head home, when I phoned Phil and he said he was on his way. Soon enough he was there, then JubJub came in, then Fiona, then Mandy and Billy. A splendid time was had by all.

 Top 10

Pub Types In Ireland

10. Auld Lads Pub
A dark, smoky, quiet pub with no girls or lads under 40. Makes no money. Seats and carpet usually brown. Toilet broken and smelly. Vinyl seats that go all the way around the walls. Pints are cheap. Try: Kennedy's near Tara Street Dart Station.

9. "Super" Pub
Industrial size pub. Several bouncers and security on the door and inside. Pub is on 3 or more levels. Everyone between 16 and 25 enjoying the bright lights and noise. Pints are dear. Try Zanzibar or The Bleeding Horse.

8. Yuppie Pub
All the young professionals go here. Very clean and modern with mostly steel fittings, hard floor and maybe two levels. Friendly security guards open the door for you and welcome you in. Pints are dear. Try: The Life Bar or The White Horse.

7. Scumbag Pub
Rough bouncers "welcome" you into a cestpot of the low-life junkies and knackers in the fair city. Go into the basement jaxx and you will find kids taking and selling all sorts of drugs. People steal seats, pints, glasses, bags and even your girlfriend. Pints are cheap. So is the decor. Stay well away from these places unless you have your moustache, tracksuit and gold chains prepared. Try a pub next to the USIT offices who's name I won't mention...

6. Locals Pub
As soon as you enteit, you know you're in a Locals Pub. Everyone stares at you. You don't recieve a great welcome from the bar staff, everyone seems to frown whenver you catch their eye. The pub is usually like an auld lads pub inside, drinks are cheap and you won't meet anyone at the bar. Try: Bruxells or Tara Na Ri, Navan.

5. Disco Bar
Can vary in appearance and price, but you can be sure that you get the laziest crew in there at night. They wouldn't go to a proper club, and they didn't just come either! Security can vary. Try Judge Roy Beans or TramCo.

4. "Old Fashioned" Pub
Everyone knows that in Ireland in the old days, pubs were carved out of solid chunks of wood and had bicycles, pots and bottles hanging from the ceiling. It's good to see they are keeping up with tradition. Security varies. Pints are dear. Crowd vary. Try: Russells or McTurcails.

3. Scanger Pub
A step above the Scumbag pub, the scanger pub is full of soft drug users, lots of gold jewellery especially hoopy earrings and soverign rings. (What are they thinking?) Security is heavy as 17 and 18 year-olds get drunk on their cider and start a fight over some awful looking scanger girl. Pints are cheap, crew are young, girls are easy. Try the Harp (is that place still open?).

2. Tourist Pub
Go down Temple Bar area and you will find the greatest collection of tourist bars. Pints are dear, security is miminal, staff are blunt. Tons of Irish crap on display. Try: The Temple Bar.

1. Poser Pub
Nobody goes to this pub for a nice drink, they go to see who is who and what car and suit everyone has. FORGET about meeting new people here! Everone is fake. Security is miminal, pints are horrid dear. Try: Ashtons.

Send me your Top 10: waltzer@waltzer.net 

 That Wrecks Me Buzz

Winning The Lotto
Vs Self Made Millionaire

Everyone plays the Lotto, but not me. I want to be a self-made millionaire, and the only thing that could stop me is winning the Lotto.

Winning the Lotto has it's advantages, but compared to becoming a self-made millionaire it doesn't even rate. Let's have a look at the advantages and disadvantages of both methods.

Winning the Lotto takes no effort. You can be a lazy fool watching daytime TV and still win the Lotto. It doesn't reward anything. Making the money yourself takes years of hard work, probably at the expense of not seeing your family or socialising as much as you'd like. In this way, the Lotto wins.

Another way the Lotto wins is in when you actually get the money. A million now would be great, you'd throw some great parties, see the world, buy fast cars, buy Netbabyworld merchandise, get a nice apartment in town and not look at the prices in Brown Thomas. But if you had that in 20 or 30 years time, you might be too old, God love you, to enjoy it like you would now. And you need an apartment in town straight away.

The advantages stop there, my friend. Imagine the satisfaction to know that through your hard work, intelligence and persistance, you made a million quid! You might enjoy spending your Lotto money, but you know you did nothing to deserve it.

Brain Becomes Lazy
My brain thinks about business plans, design ideas and content for the Waltzer Experience. If I was rich from Lotto money, I would be thinking "What'll I buy next?". You'd never read a book or draw a picture or do anything creative. You'd just buy something else when you get bored of your latest toy. If you made the money yourself you would be thinking of ways to make more money. Your brain would be much more active. You would be happy thinking up ideas to implement and see bearing fruit.

Who wants to know you
Lotto winner has ordinary people hanging out of them looking for money. Enrepreneur has ordinary people hanging out of him looking for money, but also rich, infuential and talented people looking for inspiration, advice and your buzz.

Lotto winner throws great parties. Entrepreneur throws great parties, but is also invited to great parties.

Learn from your peers
What can a Lotto winner learn from another Lotto winner? How to cope being an ordinary Joe with too much money. What can an entrepreneur learn from another? Lots and lots, and most of it you can use to make more money!

At the end of the day, someone who made their own money deserves much more respect than someone who won it. Particularly if you are going into business with your winnings. No business people will respect you if they know you won the Lotto once. You might even become very successful and famous, but you'll always be disrespected for having won the Lotto to begin with.

So that is the reason why I don't do the Lotto. Because when I am in business, I want to be respected. No amount of money can buy you respect after you've won the Lotto. Save your 3 a week and have an extra 156 a year to spend on your Christmas shopping.

Now that wrecks me buzz.

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