:waltzer experience :w: 
Super Styley
week 36 : 04 september 2000

Postcard from Lowestoft

Postcard from England: Top: Crown Street; Waltzer gets chest waxed while extremely drunk by Rachel, who was not quite as drunk; Ben polishes off a JD & Coke; Brian times Ben getting that bogey out. Bottom: Ben shows us what he thinks of getting the Waltzer Experience out on time; Ben waters the plants; Ben's horrid moon; Ashley asks "Are ya startin'"; Ashley climbs the road marking thing. Did you know they are collapsable?

 :w:

STATEMENT OF THE WEEK:
Viv: On working in the Business House
"My days of being a pleb are numbered."

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 News

Waltzer does Lowestoft

Reason why I didn't update last week was because I couldn't get to a computer. They are not used to computers in Lowestoft.

As soon as I landed and got to Lowestoft, we were in this club. It was worse than the Ardboyne in Navan ever was. Sticky carpets, lads pissing down the stairs, puke, chewing gum and fag butts all over the floor. People asleep in the window sills. These two fat girls come up to me and say "Will you buy us a drink". I said "No", to which the blonde one replied "Oh I love the Irish accent". So I met this huge 16-year-old blonde. I could have sworn she was about 20! Anyway, she just loved my Irish accent. She turned out to be engaged too. She showed me her ring. It's only recently that I have started to look for rings on a girl's finger, but you don't expect a 16-year-old to be engaged.

Anyway I left her in a chipper with her other huge friend when we were robbed of a couple of fags outside. Luckily Ben knew the same Kung Fu instructor as this aggressive 17 year old scanger, and Ben let him off the hook.

Now there is a flat in the house that Ben lives in which is rented out. That got broken into on the second day. I was just chatting to Ben's girl, Sonya, when we heard the bell ring for ages, then the door being broken down. Ben's dad is the owner of the flat, and he rents it out. So he happened to be about and went in to see what was going on. Ben and I waited as back-up while he asked the guy to come down stairs and tell him what he was doing breaking into the flat. The guy refused to come down, saying he was "taking a piss", so I called the Guards, which I soon learned are called "The Police" in England. Aparrantly. And they took him away in handcuffs. I should have got some pictures of that.

A couple of nights later I was in this guy Ashley's house. His wife is a beauty therapist or something like that, and she offered me a back waxing, which I was delighted to get. When that was over she said "Do you want your chest done?", so since I was completely langers, I decided I would. Now I have a lovely smooth chest with a couple of spots and rashes, which I am assured will die down soon.

So altogether a fairly good holiday. Drank way too much beer, not nearly enough tea. I'll be back.

Roads go out of fashion

Either there is about to be a huge car tax introduced, or Dublin Bus are going to re-think their route and timetable plans, because everyone is selling their car! On Monday, two cars were advertised for sale in the internal e-mail. Tuesday there were four! So Matthew "Gillo" Gilligan decided to put a stop to the proliferation of these ads, and sent everyone an email "Ferrari for sale", the inside reading "YEAH RIGHT!". Some thought he was a "Moron" to do such a thing, as some of the returned e-mails suggested, but those of us with a bit of humour were quick to congratulate him on his quick thinking and courageous effort.

But in fairness, the e-mail system is getting out of hand when it comes to ads. I mean "Flat wanted" and "Can I borrow a phone charger?". Where will it end? How about "Car for sale, will swap for phone charger and flat on south side"?

 Mo' Bia

Tomato Sauce, Sweet & Spicy.
Our resident chef, Mo delivers week three of Mo' Bia.

Ingredients: 1 tin of plum peeled tomatoes, 3 tablespoons of brown sugar, 1 tablespoon of sweet chilli sauce (Sharwoods), half onion finely chopped, some basil.
Method: Boiling
Time: 5-6 minutes
Serve with :Anything!

tomatos 01 Mix all ingredients and boil for 5 mins at moderate heat.
02 To thicken sauce, add some roo! (Roo is 1 tablespoon of cornflour mixed with two tablespoons of milk). Stir till mixture becomes thick over heat.
03 Serve with burgers, pasta or put into dishes such as lasagne.
©Mo

 News

The Littler Gets Engaged

Congratulations to Paul "The Littler" Little and Trish who got engaged recently. All the crew at the Waltzer HQ wish you both all the best of luck.

Young Man Killed in Donnybrook

One story which has been in the news recently is the one of the 18 year old guy who was from the 'Skeagh and was kicked to death by a gang in Donnybrook. This is terrible wherever it happens, but Donnybrook is one of the less likely places you would expect any violence. This scandal has outraged us all in my circles, and I am sure people all over the city will agree that it is a tragic event. What can be done? I think it is important to understand the cause of these attacks so we know how to tackle them. Putting up extra cameras and police is not an effective solution. Our society and culture has to be examined. Violence is passed down through families and peers. It has to stop somewhere. I hope that the incident the other day persuades other would-be offenders how fragile life is. I think that the people behind that killing are savage bastards. What do you think?

Mass Exodus: Second coming

There is a new exodus on it's way. It's official that both Fionas are leaving the house, as is Dermo. I can confirm at least one other definite leaving, one awaiting news of an interview and some talk among other designers of leaving. I reckon at this rate we'll have four designers left excluding PLs. All the better for Paul's new venture, all the worse for me and the other over-worked crew. I say "Start Hiring"!

BarnBrack Revival

Those elusive musicians who stormed Ashton's recently have been putting out a lot of promotion of late to promote their new word tour which starts, appropriately, at Ashton's in The 'Skeagh. Stay connected to the Waltzer.net for further news as it happens, and expect a BarnBrack special on this site very soon.

 Comments

Your comments are welcome. Please include your name and/or email address.



 That Wrecks Me Buzz

Diary of a failed writer

Mary Kate Halpin on career changing.

Friday
3 p.m. Go to Moira and Shane's wedding.
5.30 p.m. Begin drinking wine
7-9 p.m. Eat, laugh, listen to speeches, cry, clap, take intrusive photographs. Drink wine.
9.02 p.m. Briefly consider changing beverage of choice to Ballygowan.
9.03 p.m. Reject idea
9 p.m. -1a.m. Dance, drink wine
1.07a.m. Dance with Waltzer
1.10 a.m. Promise Waltzer article for his website.
2 a.m. - 5 a.m. A mystery

Saturday
Daybreak Arrive home. Meet other members of household who are eating cereal. Feel sick.
Daybreak - dusk Feel sick.
8.10 p.m. Remember promising article to Waltzer. Feel sick.
9p.m. Go to bed

Sunday
Morning Rejoice in general un-hungover feeling.
Afternoon Remember promising article to Waltzer. Feel temporarily sick.
6p.m. Become inspired. Sit down at computer and type incredibly witty column. Feel very happy with self.
7p.m. Show witty column to husband. Am informed of its lack of appeal.
7.02 p.m. Get annoyed
7.10 p.m. Decide to ignore advice. Am convinced of excellence of article.

Monday
9 a.m. Mail article to Waltzer
10 a.m. Receive e-mail of condolence and sympathy about unhappy life.
10.03 a.m. Am amazed
10.10 a.m. Try, in vain, to convince Waltzer that still have the will to live.
10.30 a.m. Withdraw article. Put entire journalistic career behind self.
Afternoon Become aware that Waltzer now expects replacement article. Experience sinking feeling.

Tuesday
Suffer from total lack of inspiration

Wednesday
Morning Suffer from total lack of inspiration.
Afternoon Realize am out of step with contemporary e-world.

Thursday
9.20 a.m. Have brief unsettling conversation with Waltzer, who still seems to be expecting article imminently.
11.30 a.m. Stare out of window and realize that have absolutely nothing to say that would be of any interest whatsoever to readers of witty, 21st century website.

Now that wrecks me buzz.

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